I need to write this down somewhere, so I can share how confused it made me.
G and I were at the library and I left her reading to herself in the kids area while I wandered a bit away looking for some books for myself (she was within maybe five feet of me). I heard her say "No! That's mine!" and so I came back and there is a little boy, about a head taller then her STANDING on the book she's reading - which is currently on her lap. He gets off, but he keeps trying to stomp on her foot. G is upset (obviously) and saying "No! Go away!" and (her favourite new phrase) "Don't look at me!"
The boy says "Oops! Sorry!" as he continues to try to step on her. So I intervene. I say "No, no, let's not step on her foot." "Oops! Sorry!"
So he grabs her toy (that was in her hand) away, and, of course, G screams "NO!" in her angry-toddler-that's-mine voice. "Oops! Sorry!"
Enter his mother.
She's kind. She pulls her son away, but then, we have the following conversation:
Her: How old is she?
Me: Almost three.
Her: Oh, when's her birthday?
Me: She'll be three in August.
Her: Wow, she's a couple months older then him! He's tall for his age.
Me: Yeah.
(The little boy tries again to take away G's toy)
Her: Sorry! He thinks that she's littler then him, so he can beat her up.
(to her son) She's older then you, so you can't take things from her.
Me: uhm...
Her: He doesn't know she's older then him. What size does she wear? 2?
Me: Yeah, mostly.
Her: She's older then you, sweetie, don't pick on her!
(They leave)
So... it would be okay for him to pick on her if she was younger then him? I do not understand. I guess she was just surprised that G is almost 3 since she's so small. But seriously! The reason not to take a kid's toy or step on them is because you don't step on another kid regardless of their age.
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rants. Show all posts
Friday, June 17, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Don't Call My Daughter "Princess"
Note: This is part one of a two part series on raising girls. Part one is by Paul, part two will be by me.
If you aren't a parent -- and especially if you're not the parent of a daughter -- you might not be aware of the whole "princess" thing. But trust me. It's a thing. Before I even get into whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, it's a thing.
G gets called "princess" several times a day by strangers, and when she's wearing a dress (especially a fancy dress) she gets called "princess" repeatedly by almost everyone who sees her. Grocery store clerks say "oh are you a princess?" People on the street say "What a little princess!"
So what's wrong with that? Girls go through a princess phase. What's the big deal?
A couple of things. Firstly, for G, the princess phase hasn't started yet. And this princess bombardment will keep going long past the natural life cycle of any phase. It's not "just a phase", it's a cultural prescription. When girls get told from the time they are born that they are princesses, that's not just a phase. Culture tells my daughters that they are (should be) princesses. Books, toys, movies and especially Disney bombard girls with princesses. And what assumptions are built into that label?
Princesses have no power*. They aren't queens, don't have any power except the power to marry a prince. They are objects not subjects. They don't do anything, they are done to. More, the cultural image of a princess is a pretty princess, so my daughters get told all the time that their only value lies in their appearance.
Secondly, princesses aren't just an abstract cultural idea, they're a cultural commodity. It's about stuff, mostly stuff sold by Disney. Disney markets the "disney princess" brand so strongly and so successfully that it's hard to get away from. And as marketing it's very successful. But I don't want my daughters to be consumers. I actually think unchecked consumerism is a bad thing, and I want to teach my daughters to resist it.
Finally, it's boring. G is full of imagination. One minute she's a tiger then next she's a cowboy then she's Mommy then she's Daddy then she's Superman then she's a singer then she's a dancer then she's a frog then she's a cook. And when she's wearing a fancy dress, she could be a fairy or a ballet dancer or an architect in a fancy dress. And why can't a princess be part of that? It can. It is and it unavoidably will be. But the princess idea is already taken care of by movies and books and strangers and pyjamas. If everyone who has ever thought about it deliberately avoided calling G and M "princess" they probably would still get called "princess" every single day. So seriously people Just stop it.
*Jan's editorial note: Except She-Ra, Princess of Power. But she's from the 80's.
If you aren't a parent -- and especially if you're not the parent of a daughter -- you might not be aware of the whole "princess" thing. But trust me. It's a thing. Before I even get into whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, it's a thing.
G gets called "princess" several times a day by strangers, and when she's wearing a dress (especially a fancy dress) she gets called "princess" repeatedly by almost everyone who sees her. Grocery store clerks say "oh are you a princess?" People on the street say "What a little princess!"
So what's wrong with that? Girls go through a princess phase. What's the big deal?
A couple of things. Firstly, for G, the princess phase hasn't started yet. And this princess bombardment will keep going long past the natural life cycle of any phase. It's not "just a phase", it's a cultural prescription. When girls get told from the time they are born that they are princesses, that's not just a phase. Culture tells my daughters that they are (should be) princesses. Books, toys, movies and especially Disney bombard girls with princesses. And what assumptions are built into that label?
Princesses have no power*. They aren't queens, don't have any power except the power to marry a prince. They are objects not subjects. They don't do anything, they are done to. More, the cultural image of a princess is a pretty princess, so my daughters get told all the time that their only value lies in their appearance.
Secondly, princesses aren't just an abstract cultural idea, they're a cultural commodity. It's about stuff, mostly stuff sold by Disney. Disney markets the "disney princess" brand so strongly and so successfully that it's hard to get away from. And as marketing it's very successful. But I don't want my daughters to be consumers. I actually think unchecked consumerism is a bad thing, and I want to teach my daughters to resist it.
Finally, it's boring. G is full of imagination. One minute she's a tiger then next she's a cowboy then she's Mommy then she's Daddy then she's Superman then she's a singer then she's a dancer then she's a frog then she's a cook. And when she's wearing a fancy dress, she could be a fairy or a ballet dancer or an architect in a fancy dress. And why can't a princess be part of that? It can. It is and it unavoidably will be. But the princess idea is already taken care of by movies and books and strangers and pyjamas. If everyone who has ever thought about it deliberately avoided calling G and M "princess" they probably would still get called "princess" every single day. So seriously people Just stop it.
*Jan's editorial note: Except She-Ra, Princess of Power. But she's from the 80's.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Of Post-Partum wards, Breastfeeding and Newfoundland - a bit of a rant
Once again, a disclaimer to this post: I am an advocate of breastfeeding. I'm not a psycho-advocate and I'm not judging those who end up using formula. But I do have opinions and these are them. Also, some might not care at all about this stuff. Fair enough, feel free not to read this one either.
My birth story hospital experience was very positive. Aside from one pushy (literally) nurse, the doctors and nurses were really supportive of my choice to be natural. However, the post-partum stay was not quite as positive. For some reason, the hospital here is kinda stuck in the dark ages. In Winnipeg, they have these beautiful LDRP (Labour, Delivery, Recovery, Post-Partum) rooms, so you don't have to change rooms when you're in labour, rooming in with your baby is automatic (and the only option) and all of the nurses are trained lactation consultants who teach new moms how to breastfeed.
Here, not so much. I was in a room with four other beds - luckily only one roommate (there were three of us for a few hours at one point). There was quite a bit of pressure to put my baby in the nursery for the night, and the nurse in the morning was "shocked" that they let me keep her with me for the night. I am a strong believer in bonding after birth and there was no way I was going to let them take her away just to bring back every 3 hours to feed. I wanted to see my baby when I wasn't pressured to feed her! The best part was there was a big sign on the wall about how rooming in was the best way for mother and baby to bond and to get breastfeeding started. It's a shame the nurses don't read that sign!
Since I had breastfed G, I had very little trouble this time, so I didn't need much help from the nurses. I hated having to share a room and just wanted to get home, but I was okay in most respects.
However, the other woman in my room and the treatment she received made me realize why Newfoundland has the lowest rate in Canada of breastfeeding moms.
First of all, she was completely ignorant of breastfeeding to start with, so obviously the education needs to start prenatally. She assumed that since she didn't leak milk in pregnancy that she couldn't breastfeed at all (that's not how it works for 90% of women), so she was surprised when her daughter latched on and she was told she could breastfeed. However, she was not given any decent instruction in the hospital and by the time she left, she had fully decided to bottlefeed. I put the blame almost entirely on the nurses and the clear lack of education in the hospital.
The first nurse she had asked if she had "taken any classes" or "read any books" on breastfeeding, and when she hadn't, the nurse indicated that she might have missed the boat.
The overnight nurse offered to take her daughter to the nursery and she accepted, and when she brought her back to feed 3 hours later quickly asked "Should I just give her a bottle or do you want to nurse her?" Given these options, she asked "Oh, can I do both here?" and the nurse said she could, so she chose the bottle for the night.
In the morning, the next nurse asked her what she had decided, saying "Well, we don't pressure women either way, but if you bottlefeed we won't have to worry about bringing your baby to you every 3 hours and making sure you're properly feeding her." When the woman said she was thinking about bottlefeeding because her daughter was "so big" (at less then 8lbs) and "didn't seem like she was getting anything", the nurse made no effort to correct her about when milk comes in. The final nurse was the nail in the coffin of breastfeeding. She killed any chance of this woman choosing to breastfeed instead of giving formula.
It killed me to listen to these exchanges. I didn't have the guts to speak up, but I wonder if I should have. She went from "maybe I'll breastfeed after all" to "Heck no, formula is better" in the span of 24 hours.
I think this post is long enough, so... Coming Next: The First Days were Yellowy
My birth story hospital experience was very positive. Aside from one pushy (literally) nurse, the doctors and nurses were really supportive of my choice to be natural. However, the post-partum stay was not quite as positive. For some reason, the hospital here is kinda stuck in the dark ages. In Winnipeg, they have these beautiful LDRP (Labour, Delivery, Recovery, Post-Partum) rooms, so you don't have to change rooms when you're in labour, rooming in with your baby is automatic (and the only option) and all of the nurses are trained lactation consultants who teach new moms how to breastfeed.
Here, not so much. I was in a room with four other beds - luckily only one roommate (there were three of us for a few hours at one point). There was quite a bit of pressure to put my baby in the nursery for the night, and the nurse in the morning was "shocked" that they let me keep her with me for the night. I am a strong believer in bonding after birth and there was no way I was going to let them take her away just to bring back every 3 hours to feed. I wanted to see my baby when I wasn't pressured to feed her! The best part was there was a big sign on the wall about how rooming in was the best way for mother and baby to bond and to get breastfeeding started. It's a shame the nurses don't read that sign!
Since I had breastfed G, I had very little trouble this time, so I didn't need much help from the nurses. I hated having to share a room and just wanted to get home, but I was okay in most respects.
However, the other woman in my room and the treatment she received made me realize why Newfoundland has the lowest rate in Canada of breastfeeding moms.
First of all, she was completely ignorant of breastfeeding to start with, so obviously the education needs to start prenatally. She assumed that since she didn't leak milk in pregnancy that she couldn't breastfeed at all (that's not how it works for 90% of women), so she was surprised when her daughter latched on and she was told she could breastfeed. However, she was not given any decent instruction in the hospital and by the time she left, she had fully decided to bottlefeed. I put the blame almost entirely on the nurses and the clear lack of education in the hospital.
The first nurse she had asked if she had "taken any classes" or "read any books" on breastfeeding, and when she hadn't, the nurse indicated that she might have missed the boat.
The overnight nurse offered to take her daughter to the nursery and she accepted, and when she brought her back to feed 3 hours later quickly asked "Should I just give her a bottle or do you want to nurse her?" Given these options, she asked "Oh, can I do both here?" and the nurse said she could, so she chose the bottle for the night.
In the morning, the next nurse asked her what she had decided, saying "Well, we don't pressure women either way, but if you bottlefeed we won't have to worry about bringing your baby to you every 3 hours and making sure you're properly feeding her." When the woman said she was thinking about bottlefeeding because her daughter was "so big" (at less then 8lbs) and "didn't seem like she was getting anything", the nurse made no effort to correct her about when milk comes in. The final nurse was the nail in the coffin of breastfeeding. She killed any chance of this woman choosing to breastfeed instead of giving formula.
It killed me to listen to these exchanges. I didn't have the guts to speak up, but I wonder if I should have. She went from "maybe I'll breastfeed after all" to "Heck no, formula is better" in the span of 24 hours.
I think this post is long enough, so... Coming Next: The First Days were Yellowy
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